Goi's Fitness Forum

# 1
Husband climbs on the bed naked.
Wife: I have a headache.
Husband: Good! I have powdered it with aspirin. U want to take it orally
Or as an injection.

# 2
Three fastest means of communication:
1. Telephone
2. Television
3. Tell-a-woman

# 3
One day, DUREX complained to KOTEX: " Every time u work, I gotta 7 days
off!"
KOTEX retorted: "Whenever u make a mistake during work, I gotta take 9
months leave".

# 4
A man called his 4th wife - Baby doll,
3rd wife - China doll,
2nd wife - Barbie doll &
1st wife - Guess What ?
- Panadol

# 5
Man admiring his naked body in the mirror says to wife: "Look at that 75 kg
of pure dynamite".
Wife replies: "It is a shame though about the 2 inches fuse".

# 6
Friends are like underwear, always near you.
Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you.
Best friends are like Viagra, lift you up when you are down.

# 7
Man tell MP:
My son's a drug addict, my daughter's a prostitute, and my wife's a
gambler.
MP: Isn't there anything positive in your family?
Man: Yes, I am HIV positive.

# 8
What is common between a wife and a private swimming pool??
Answer: The cost of maintenance is too high compared to the time you
Spend inside them!!!

# 9
Naked girl boarded a taxi. Driver stared.
Girl scolded him, "Never seen a naked girl before?
Driver replied "Yes! Seen many before but wondering where you keep your
money to pay taxi fare."

Power!! Keep em coming!!

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his ! mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

* * * * * * * * * * *

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.
'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio!'

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

Keep EM COMING!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESe-AysF9mw This is cool

HAHA, imagine i have this mother,

EPIC

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate to make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute

1. The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.....Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.

2. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head...Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.

3. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine....Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay." An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.

Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us...He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us..

Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins...He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.

He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here...I told him not one of us was leaving.

Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs...I let him know that we were staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!

SINGH IS KING!!

Haha that's damn funny.

By the way, no offense to any Singhaporean here. Last time when i was still in NS, there was some idiot who called for police because he saw a Sikh on the bike without a helmet. Yes, unemployment rate is so high people can be that free.

Small story on management lesson

A new vacuum cleaner Salesman knocked on the door on
the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic Salesman
barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and
poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I cannot clean this up with the use of this new
powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed
the eager Salesman.

"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered Salesman asked, "Why, Madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house......" said the lady.

MORAL:
Gather all requirements and resources before working
on any project and committing to the client.....! !!

-------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Best Presentation Wins!

The husband of a pregnant wife was thinking of buying insurance for his unborn baby.

So he asked Great Eastern and the agent said, "don't worry man, we'll provide insurance right FROM THE BASKET TO THE CASKET".

The man was impressed but thought that he should probably seek another opinion.

He then approached Prudential and the agent replied,"Oh, we have a new
insurance policy which can protect your unborn child FROM THE WOMB
RIGHT UP TO THE TOMB".

The man was stunned but thought that maybe all salesmen like to bullshit
and decided to see the agent from AIA.

He told the AIA agent what Prudential and Great Eastern had to offer.
The AIA agent thought for a while and then said, "Tell you something,
we have one that is even better than Prudential and Great Eastern.
We'll insure your child FROM ERECTION TO RESURRECTION" .

There was once a very good barber in NEW YORK , he gives
Free Haircut to everybody who comes into his shop to have their haircuts.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut.
After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop,
there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door .
A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut.
But the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning the barber goes to open his shop,
there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

A Singaporean software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes
to pay the barber after the cut.
But the barber replies:
'I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.'
The Singaporean software engineer is very happy and leaves.

The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there............


Can you guess?

Come on, think like a Singaporean....


have you got the answer ............. ?????

come on .............

guess


guess


guess...................................................


a dozen Singaporeans waiting for a free haircut

Arab & Jew.....
An Arab needed a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type in case the need arises.

Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries.

Finally, a Jew was located who had the same blood type and who was willing to donate his blood to the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank-you card for giving his blood along with an expensive diamond and a new Rolls Royce car as a token of his appreciation.

Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again. And his doctors called the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood again.

After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a Thank You card and a box of Almond Roca sweets. The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not acknowledge the Jew's kind gesture in the same way as he had done the first time..

So he phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not a very generous manner.

The Arab replied : Yahabibi !!, I have Jewish blood now,remember..!?"